A Letter to Amy

Dear Amy,

This letter seems so long overdue, yet not ready to be composed until now. Years have passed since the events that strained relations. You were an example, an encourager, and a fresh face on a time-worn faith. Many of us looked to you as one who could live fully and faithfully through the changes of young adulthood. And all was good and secure and reliable for so long.

Then came the questions and concerns. Rumors of impropriety. Word of weakening relationships. A dimming of the hope so often shared. I prayed for resolution.
I encountered silence. Then came confirmation from you. No third-party, hand-me-down story. Your words: We are separated; irreconcilable differences; divorce as our choice.

I was frustrated and disappointed. The life you’d modeled, the life you championed, the faith you held high, all seemed to crumble beneath the cold reality of relationship ended so quickly and finally. When news came some time later of a new love – a soulmate found during the latter days - I lost interest in you and your journey. Just another role model with clay feet.

The years, however, have added wrinkles, graying hair, and some perspective for me. You and your ex have found love and direction with new spouses. You’ve handled your children with care and grace. You’ve acknowledge the pain and disappointment that will always be there. You’ve moved through what was seen at the time for a conservative Christian girl as the “scourge” of divorce. What was once a scarlet “D” has been overshadowed by the life and love that has grown in and around you.

While I’ve noticed the changes in you, I realize that they are seen through the filters of change in my own life. Divorce has come to family as well as friends now near me. Living outside of the Bible belt for most of my adult life has changed my perspective on actions once thought as anathema. My heart is less inclined to pass judgment but to offer compassion and care. Relationships change and grow and sometimes fracture as people mature and change. A friend said recently with a wry smile, “How did I ever live with myself when I was eighteen!” And how terrible it would be if our thoughts, our faith, our inclinations, remained in the past.

Amy, you went through a great deal in part because you heart, your faith, your love, all changed from 18 to 28 to 38 and onward. You have found a life of consistent passion and joy among the flaws and failings common to us all. In fact, you faith is deeper and richer than it could ever have been without the struggle. Through grace, love, and hope, you’ve risen above the painful times into a mature and rich life. You are once again for me and others a model – but in a much more meanigful way.

I hope you’ll forgive me for my absence though I’m guessing it’s not all that significant to you. But for me it’s like renewing acquaintances with a friend from days gone by who’s no longer a bright and beautiful young adult, but has never, ever looked better inside and out. It’s nice to be back with you again.

Your distant friend,

Michael